I Heart NSYNC

           

What does the name Justin Timberlake mean to you? Perhaps flashes of a curly headed blonde boy making his mark on the Mickey Mouse Club circa Disney Channel early ‘90s complete with baggy jeans and button up plaid shirt to boot come cascading into your mind. Maybe you’re picturing that boy-band heartthrob as echoes of “Hey heyyyyy BYE BYE BYE” reiterate in your mind over and over again (my braces clad seventh-grade self might have had his poster in my room…maybe). Then again you might hear reverberations of the “Suit and Tie” remix jammin’ in the back of your mind (Yes, the remix is where it’s at). For me, I hear his 2007 Billboard hit “What Goes Around…Comes Around.” I thought it was ironic that such a musical composition found its way onto my workout mix this afternoon (well, not that surprised as I may or may not be a major JT fan…I mean that 20/20 album is jock full of musical and lyrical genius). 

Why is it ironic that I heard this past music melody? Well, first I need to state that I also found it ironic that I found a letter I wrote to a friend who came into my life for a very short time back in the early part of 2012. I felt such a, for lack of a better word, burden for this guy as he was going through some things that were very tough (that is his story to tell and not mine, so I will just tell you that I believe God wanted me to see the good in this kid and to let him hear God’s words through another vessel). How does this relate to a song about “What goes around, comes around?” Well, when I read this letter, I remembered the peace I felt when writing it; the same peace when I read it today. It was a gentle reminder that our words are so powerful. They can build or they can destroy; therefore, I want to thank God for using the gifts he has blessed me with to speak love into the lives of others and for speaking love into my life through the words of so many others.

Here is the letter written on that May evening:

“It has been so heavy laden on my heart that I write you a letter before you leave. Let me just start out by saying what a blessing you have been in my life. I feel so fortunate to have met you and develop a friendship with you. I think it is pretty amazing how we met and just hit it off from the beginning…from the goofy nights of dancing (I will always love your signature move) to the movie watching/late night chats about everything from our past hurts to your love of the movie Grease (when you told me this you seriously moved up about 100 points on the cool scale). I have enjoyed every moment spent with you and already cherish those fun times we have spent together; I see so much good in you, I pray that you see that too. I truly believe that God brought [all of us] together to build these amazing friendships in order to mold us into better people. I wish I had deeper words of comfort to offer you as you embark on this new season of life; I know it will be a difficult one, but I also know that you are strong and kind and good; therefore, this time spent away  will be a positive one. I cannot imagine how it feels to be leaving Colorado and those close to you, but I do know that this pain is also a blessing. Without those relationships, friendships, and memories, there would be no hurt to deal with and because you are feeling these emotions it is just affirmation of the beautiful relationships you have built out here. I feel like God has given me such a gift to see your heart; a compassionate, gentle, and loving man who loves people for who they are. You have already taught me so much about loving others just from watching your interactions with people from all different backgrounds and phases of life. You are truly one of the most fun loving people I have ever met; your contagious energy and happy demeanor have spoken multitudes into my life. I want you to know that I will be lifting you up in prayer over these next few months because I know that God is just going to do such a work in your life; I know He has great and amazing plans for you. The verse that speaks to me so often and so deeply is Jeremiah 29:11-13 and I hope that it resonates within you as it has with me: 

“¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” 

God has a great future planned for you; although, the bad comes into our lives, it will ultimately be turned into good even if it is difficult or even impossible to see right now. Also, I wanted to give you a journal. Writing has been such a wonderful aspect of my life and I hope that you find it as healing as I have; you can write about anything…your thoughts, struggles, worries, frustrations, praises…anything and everything. This will be a wonderful gift to look back on as you come to see that this journey is ultimately molding you into a stronger and better man for some great future. If I can leave you with one last thought, let it be that God works all things out for YOUR good; don’t forget that.”

Here is a bit of an epilogue to this story: While I felt like I was losing a dear friend, my heart was mended and healed as soon as I gave him this letter. It was as if God had a duty for me to complete and once I did that, I was to move on. Furthermore, months later I ran into this kid when he made his was back to Colorado for a visit and he stopped me and told me how much the letter meant to him. It was very humbling to see and feel God use His words of grace, hope, and love to speak to another person. I pray that he will always use me to reach out to those around me…to speak into their lives and encourage them to fill them with more hope than they could possible imagine because ultimately when he gives me the words to lift others up, He is lifting me up. It's funny that I came across this letter today because the second half of the letter felt like God was reiterating those promises to my heart at a time I most needed to hear them...like I said, “What goes around, comes around.”

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

For your personal enjoyment (don't pretend you didn't try to learn these sweet dance moves back in the day):

Definitely Not a Night at the Roxbury

What is love? (I bet remnants of the scene “A Night at the Roxbury” with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan shaking their heads to the sounds of Haddaway’s one hit wonder are reverberating through your brain: “What is love/ Oh baby, don't hurt me/Don't hurt me no more…”) It’s funny how such a pop-culture piece can actually bring human vulnerability to the surface and how the genuine correlation of love and hurt are so often connected. I once heard the best definition and most appropriate explanation of love put in the simplest terms I had ever heard: Love is sacrifice. If love is sacrifice, then what exactly is sacrifice? According to common dictionary definitions, sacrifice is as follows: giving up of something valued: a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance. With this sacrificial definition being established, it is apparent that the synonymous definition of love is basically putting someone else before your needs and your immediate egocentric wants.. For love to thrive, to grow, to blossom, and to be healthy, sacrificial behavior must be established by both parties; it is a constant give and take environment in which both factions need to put aside selfish desires to nourish the commitments we as humans were created to take part in: relationship.

            Recently I have been reading Tim Keller’s The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism and a portion corresponding to this sacrificial love kept drawing me back in to read and re-read this author’s views on how love brings us freedom, loss, and fulfillment all in the same all-encompassing moment. Here are the powerful words that have brought some enlightenment into my views of the concepts of love as a whole (I know this post seems daunting, but trust me, if you read Keller’s views, I believe you will as well begin to think about the whole sacrificial love concept in a deeper and more progressive manner):

 

Love, the Ultimate Freedom, Is More Constraining than We Might Think

What then is the moral-spiritual reality we must acknowledge to thrive? What is the environment that liberates us if we confine ourselves to it, like water liberates the fish? Love. Love is the most liberating freedom-loss of all.

One of the principles of love-either love for a friend or romantic love-is that you have to lose independence to gain greater intimacy. If you want the “freedom” of love-the fulfillment, security, sense of worth that it brings-you must limit your freedom in many ways. You cannot enter a deep relationship and still make unilateral decisions or allow your friend or love no say in how you live your life. To experience the joy and freedom of love, you must give up your personal autonomy. The French novelist Francoise Sagon expressed this well in an interview with Le Monde. She expressed that she was satisfied with the way she lived her life and had no regrets:

 

Interviewer: Then you have had the freedom you wanted?

Sagon: Yes…I was obviously less free when I was in love with someone…But one’s not in love all the time. Apart from that…I’m free.

 

            Sagon is right. A love relationship limits your personal options. Again we are confronted with the complexity of the concept of “freedom.” Human beings are most free and alive in relationships of love. We only become ourselves in love, and yet healthy love relationships involve mutual, unselfish service, a mutual loss of independence. C.S. Lewis put it eloquently:

 

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.

 

            Freedom, then, is not the absence of limitations and constraints but it is finding the right ones, those that fit our nature and liberate us.

            For a love relationship to be healthy there must be a mutual loss of independence. It can’t just be one way. Both sides must say to the other, “I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I will serve you even though it means a sacrifice for me.” If only one party does all the sacrificing and giving, and the other does all the ordering and taking, the relationship will be exploitative and will oppress and distort the lives of both people.

            At first sight, then, a relationship with God seems inherently dehumanizing. Surely it will have to be “one way,” God’s way. God, the divine being, has all the power. I must adjust to God-there is no way that God could adjust to and serve me.

            While this may true in other religions and belief in God, it is not true in Christianity. In the most radical way, God has adjusted to us-in his incarnation and atonement. In Jesus Christ he became a limited human being, vulnerable to suffering and death. On the cross, he submitted to our condition-as sinners-and died in our place to forgive us. In the most profound way, God has said to us, in Christ, “I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I’ll serve you though it means a sacrifice for me.” If he has done this for us, we can and should say the same to God and others. St. Paul writes, “the love of Christ constrains us” (2 Corinthians 5:14).

            A friend of C.S. Lewis’s once asked "Is it easy to love God?” and he replied, “It is easy to those who do it.” That is not as paradoxical as it sounds. When you fall deeply in love, you want to please the beloved. You don’t wait for the person to ask you to do something for her. You eagerly research and learn every little thing that brings her pleasure. Then you get it for her, even if it costs you money or great inconvenience. “Your wish is my command,”-and it doesn’t feel oppressive at all. From the outside, bemused friends may think, “She’s leading him around by the nose,” but from the inside it feels like heaven.

            For a Christian, it’s the same with Jesus. The love of Christ constrains. Once you realize how Jesus changed for you and gave himself for you, you aren’t afraid of giving up your freedom and therefore finding your freedom in him. (Keller, Timothy J. "Christianity Is a Straitjacket." The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism. New York: Dutton, 2008. 48-51.).

What exactly have I taken from these words associated to the love relationships? I believe we as humans were created for relationships; relationships that may cause hurt and pain, but without these moments we would not take the lessons of life that enable us to love harder, to love better, and to love deeper. If we did not love, we would not experience life the way we were meant to: to experience the fulfillment of putting someone else ahead of ourselves. In fact, we have the perfect and most beautiful model of love through Christ; a loving God who gave up his son in order that we may live life to the fullest. Furthermore, I once heard a pastor make the statement of how he would often take the go-to wedding verse of 1 Corinthians 13 and put his name in the spaces where the word “love” is located: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." It is my desire to exude, portray, and embrace these qualities; it is my craving to be patient, show kindness, stay calm, look for the interests of others before my own, forgive, stand for justice, protect those people and things that need protection, have a heart of trust, be full of hope no matter the situation, and always fight for the faith that so encompasses this life.

Going back to the initial question I introduced at the beginning of this post “What is love?” I believe love is the action of nourishing a relationship and constantly taking the necessary steps to better another person to better yourself; my challenge to myself and to others is to put vulnerability to the forefront and allow yourself to love those around you in order to live life to a more complete and gratifying level than ever thought possible.

The Haven of a Hope-filled Heaven

I had a friend ask me the other night if I thought the people in Heaven would be able to see the people in Hell? He also asked if I thought that the people in Heaven would remember the relationships they had on earth. Furthermore, he asked if say for instance a son went to Hell and his father went to Heaven, would said father just forget about his son suffering in the depths or would he in fact bear witness to this suffering? I sat there for a moment, not quite sure what to say, so I gave the most conclusive answer I could: “You know…I’m really not sure.” So, what do I do when I am not sure about something? I ask questions. I do research.

The first place I traveled on the investigation journey  was to the book of Revelation where it states in Heaven  there will be no tears shed (Revelation 21:4); therefore, if there are no tears shed, how could we experience the grief of witnessing our loved ones in Hell? Also, in regards to the relationships issue, the Bible speaks on the fact that there will no longer be marriage and yet there is evidence to suggest that we will in fact know all the people we have formed relationships with here on earth. We will be brothers and sisters in Heaven, but I think we will be more consumed with the great and mighty God to put any type of former relationship to the forefront of our minds before Him.

(Rev 21:4-5) He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the [former] things ha[ve] passed away.” 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”

The Bible states how the former things will not be remembered or come to mind, but who is to say these former things are former people…former relationships? Who’s to say that these “former things” are not the former sins, the former troubles, the former pains and tribulations of life?

Isaiah 54:4 “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.”

 Perhaps those things have passed, so that we are consumed with the good and powerful wondrous works of God. Is it possible that we will have memories, but without those that have brought us pain and shame because if we were to embrace those memories, we would not be able to fully accept and indulge in the joyous blessings that encompass all that is Heaven; all that is God? In addition, I had the thought of how when Jesus (who was in fact both man and God in one form) said to the criminal on the cross next to him when he repented of his sins: “Today you will be with me in paradise (Luke 23:24),” that if this man would recognize Jesus in paradise (who was a man at the time), why would we not recognize those people who have impacted our lives here on earth? 

Jesus spoke how in his Father’s house there are many rooms and he is going to prepare a place for us (John 14:2); therefore, why would someone not want to accept this invitation for Heaven? I could still answer my friend’s questions with “I’m not really sure” because I have no way to have that concrete evidence so many of us hunger for. With no concrete evidence, how could we believe in this “Heaven” or this “God?” The only answer I have for that is simple: Faith. In fact, I believe when we have questions and doubts it allows us to reach deeper into knowing God and getting closer to him; it is like any relationship, in order to fully know the other person, we must ask questions and put questions into our minds to ask that person in order to understand him/her on a deeper level.

I pray this for the people around me and for myself: God, I pray that you will give us glimpses of encouragement throughout our day. I pray that your presence will so fully envelope our hearts and minds that we will know you to a deeper level than we ever knew possible. Please wipe away those fears, doubts, and questions that so inhibit us coming to a full understanding of the love and grace you are so willingly ready to pour out on us. Lord, I pray that you will reveal yourself so clearly to those who need it most and fill them with such peace and healing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You?

Have you ever had a Scooby Doo/Shaggy moment? You know, those moments where you are constantly afraid something bad is going to happen, so you relish in your worry, but ultimately it all works out in the end; therefore, the worry and freak out session was completely unnecessary…I know I have had my fair share of Scooby moments where instead of just asking and praying for God to help me in the situation, I will worry and overanalyze EVERYTHING. Worry really is a waste of time. It’s like lying on the couch all day trying to figure out what you are going to do and never deciding; it gets you nowhere.

Every morning, I try to start my day by reading my Bible; additionally, I have gotten into the habit of praying prior to opening His Word and asking God to please direct me to what he wants me to read in order to let that Scripture speak to me. This past Sunday morning I opened up to Matthew 8:28-27 where Jesus calms the storm. The synopsis is that Jesus gets in a boat and heads out on the Sea of Galilee with the disciples, goes below deck to catch some Zs, a “Perfect Storm”-esqu monstrosity starts swirling and whirling the boat, and the disciples start to f-r-e-a-k out! They are running around screaming and yelling, “Save us!! We’re going to drown!” Jesus hears his disciples, wakes up from his slumber, and says (excuse my paraphrase), “Yo fellas, why are you wigging out? Where’s the faith? You know this storm is nothing compared to the power of God…come on now, calm yourselves.” Then, bada bing, bada boom, Jesus told the storm to stop, and stop it did.  

                After I read through this passage, I read through the footnotes in my study Bible and this part particularly stood out to me: “We often encounter storms in our life, where we feel God can’t or won’t work. When we truly understand who God is, however, we will realize that he controls both the storms of nature and the storms of the troubled heart. Jesus’ power that calmed this storm can also help us deal with the problems we face. Jesus is willing to help if we only ask him. We should never discount his power even in terrible trials.” As the words tumbled gracefully off the page and took ground within my mind and heart, I began to think of the metaphorical storms that happen in life. In fact, I began to think about how I have not only been hearing and feeling the wind, but the crash of the thunder, pelts of the hail, and flashes of lightning these past couple of months. I began to think of how I can often be like those disciples and as soon as the storms began to take root, I flail about with worry and get completely stressed out. While these thoughts swirled through my mind, I also began to think of how faithful God truly is, was, and will be. While, yes, these past few months have indeed been the most trying times in my life, I feel they have been some of the most revealing as well. For instance, I have seen the power of prayer come forth, I have seen God’s love in human form be not only placed next to me, but envelop me into feeling and knowing what it truly means to come alongside someone and be a comfort, a strength, and a provider. Furthermore, I have seen how relying on God and trusting in Him is the difference between moving forward or giving up; how it is the difference between calm and worry. I know that the storms of life will come, it is just so comforting and such a wake-up call to really understand that when we trust in the power of God to take control and let His will be done, life just seems to get a little more “simple.” I pray that whenever those torrents of worry begin to waterfall into my being, I rebuke them as Jesus did the storm, and pray for God to take the worry, take the storm, and let His will be done in my life. After all, I know he truly works all things out for my good (Romans 8:28).

Cue Sappy Boyz II Men 90s Love Song

                Have you ever been in a relationship (friendship, family, love or otherwise) and you just feel completely frustrated with the other person because they just “don’t get it?” Let’s take for example, Annie and Joey. Annie is always leaving Joey sweet notes and telling him how much she appreciates him and Joey is always doing things around the house to help Annie, however, the two of them both feel like they do SO MUCH MORE for the other person. In their views, they are totally expressing their appreciation and gratitude for the other person, but it is not being reciprocated…or so they think. The whole problem is this couple is not speaking each other’s love language. Imagine two people who speak completely different languages get married and are expected to have a successful marriage; that has disaster written all over it. This couple must make the effort to learn their significant other’s native language and speak that tongue in order to make the other person feel loved. The same is said for love languages; we must be aware of our own and aware of others’ love languages in order to have successful relationships.

Watch this clip to get a bit of a synopsis on The Five Love Languages:

                I read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman a couple of years ago and it was a total eye opener for how I view myself and other people. I was able to understand why in past and current relationships there would be those “bumps” that just would not seem to go away. I understand now why I am attracted to certain people (not just in the romantic sense) that speak my top love languages. Furthermore, I have learned how to become aware of the ways in which those around me feel appreciated and loved and I have to make the conscious effort to show those love signals (i.e. giving a hug to express the love language of physical touch or just doing the dishes for someone to express their love language of acts of service). In addition, it’s funny because I have noticed since I have put forth more effort in “speaking” and showing these different language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gift giving) my love languages have changed over time. For instance, I was never big into physical touch (i.e. a simple pat on the back, hug, etc.) and I have totally adapted that as one of the ways in which I feel loved.  While love language can indeed change, it is encouraging to go through the experience of becoming more fluent in speaking other love languages than just our own. Also, we often speak OUR own personal love languages the best, which is why when that love language isn’t the other person’s manner in which they feel loved, we begin to feel like we are doing all we can and they just don’t appreciate US.

                One more major aspect with understanding and enacting these love languages into my life is the fact that I am able to see how my family members, co-workers, friends, etc. feel valued in order that I may make honest attempts to show my gratitude toward them. I am a total advocate for this book because it teaches us how to better ourselves and our relationships with other people. The best book of all, the Bible, talks all about love…isn’t that what life is really about? After all, what did Jesus say were the two most important commandments: Love God. Love Others (“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22: 37-39).

Here is a link to take the online quiz to see what your love language is: The Five Love Languages