Cue Sappy Boyz II Men 90s Love Song

                Have you ever been in a relationship (friendship, family, love or otherwise) and you just feel completely frustrated with the other person because they just “don’t get it?” Let’s take for example, Annie and Joey. Annie is always leaving Joey sweet notes and telling him how much she appreciates him and Joey is always doing things around the house to help Annie, however, the two of them both feel like they do SO MUCH MORE for the other person. In their views, they are totally expressing their appreciation and gratitude for the other person, but it is not being reciprocated…or so they think. The whole problem is this couple is not speaking each other’s love language. Imagine two people who speak completely different languages get married and are expected to have a successful marriage; that has disaster written all over it. This couple must make the effort to learn their significant other’s native language and speak that tongue in order to make the other person feel loved. The same is said for love languages; we must be aware of our own and aware of others’ love languages in order to have successful relationships.

Watch this clip to get a bit of a synopsis on The Five Love Languages:

                I read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman a couple of years ago and it was a total eye opener for how I view myself and other people. I was able to understand why in past and current relationships there would be those “bumps” that just would not seem to go away. I understand now why I am attracted to certain people (not just in the romantic sense) that speak my top love languages. Furthermore, I have learned how to become aware of the ways in which those around me feel appreciated and loved and I have to make the conscious effort to show those love signals (i.e. giving a hug to express the love language of physical touch or just doing the dishes for someone to express their love language of acts of service). In addition, it’s funny because I have noticed since I have put forth more effort in “speaking” and showing these different language (words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gift giving) my love languages have changed over time. For instance, I was never big into physical touch (i.e. a simple pat on the back, hug, etc.) and I have totally adapted that as one of the ways in which I feel loved.  While love language can indeed change, it is encouraging to go through the experience of becoming more fluent in speaking other love languages than just our own. Also, we often speak OUR own personal love languages the best, which is why when that love language isn’t the other person’s manner in which they feel loved, we begin to feel like we are doing all we can and they just don’t appreciate US.

                One more major aspect with understanding and enacting these love languages into my life is the fact that I am able to see how my family members, co-workers, friends, etc. feel valued in order that I may make honest attempts to show my gratitude toward them. I am a total advocate for this book because it teaches us how to better ourselves and our relationships with other people. The best book of all, the Bible, talks all about love…isn’t that what life is really about? After all, what did Jesus say were the two most important commandments: Love God. Love Others (“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22: 37-39).

Here is a link to take the online quiz to see what your love language is: The Five Love Languages