I love when I can find a book that continually convicts me and this book absolutely has been doing that; in fact it has gone above and beyond. I feel like after every other paragraph, I stop, open my Bible, read the Scripture that was referenced and just pray. While I was reading this chapter, John was talking about how oftentimes he truly enjoys being alone because this is time where he can have that true solitude in order to “easily listen and speak with Him”(Bevere 144). As I was reading, it came to a point where I felt the need to just pause, put the book down, and immediately enter into the solitude. I closed my eyes and asked for forgiveness for not communing with the Holy Spirit the way I should be; how so often I do not communicate with a God who wants to be my friend, who wants to be in relationship with me. A God who not only wants me to speak to him, but wants to speak to me.
There are certain areas…wait, no…there is EVERY area of my life that I just want to be so spirit lead. Sometimes (okay, more often that I would like to admit) I am afraid that I try to take the reins and do the leading, so in this instance, I brought up a certain situation that has been heavy laden on my heart. The whole thing has seemed so unfeasible to me that I had begun to think that this was my own unattainable desire and not something of God. As I sat there, in the quietness of my room, not even hearing the rushing traffic outside my window, I verbally said “God…I need to know this…please let me know…have you shown me this aspiration or is it of my own making. It just seems so impossible…” I sat there for a few moments, not really sure what to expect in this instance because I know that God doesn’t always answer in the ways I want or in the timing I desire. As soon as the words “It seems so impossible” were uttered in my mind and off my tongue, the verse Luke 1:37 flashed in my mind and instantly the words came to me: “For nothing is impossible with God.” I pretty much sat there flabbergasted and thought, “Okay Lord, if this is of you, you’ve got control and I’m ready to go where you take me even if that means the action I need to take is just to sit here…and wait,” (which I’m not always the biggest fan of doing…).
I desire to draw close to God the way He yearns to draw close to me; so on my next drive instead of listening to a worship CD (an ultimate mix, which of course I burned off Itunes…), I am going to have a conversation with the one who deserves my time most of all.
“Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” James 4:8
Bevere, John. Drawing Near: A Life of Intimacy with God. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004.
